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Copyright: 1998
[ARTHUR and IVY are dusting and polishing ornaments, silver etc. IVY starts to juggle with figurines. ARTHUR notices, and takes the objects from her hands]
ARTHUR: No, Ivy.
IVY: I know what I'm doing! I wouldn't break anything -
ARTHUR: Even so, acc-
IVY: Accidents do happen
ARTHUR: Not if you're careful. I was your age when I came here, so I've worked here nearly 40 years, and I've not broken a thing.
IVY: What? Ain't you ever broke anything, then?
ARTHUR: No. I haven't, not "ain't". I know how to handle things. With caution. Lift an object up at its broadest point, and place it above your legs, so that if it falls, it won't hit the floor.
IVY: I can't remember all these things.
ARTHUR: You'd do well to try.
[Silence. 4 FARMERS are waiting by the door. IVY sticks out her tongue at them]
IVY: Who are those people?
ARTHUR: Oh, Good Grief! [ARTHUR goes to open the door] Not at the front door! Not at the front door! Mr. Sutherland might be expecting visitors!
ANGRY: He's expecting us.
ARTHUR: No, I meant visitors of distinction.
BEWILDERED: We tried the back door, but the bell didn't work.
IVY: Another job for you Arthur! I ain't fixin' it!
ANGRY: [Walking in with OBSEQUIOUS] We're here now.
ARTHUR: Not through the front door.
OBSEQUIOUS: Ooo, I'm terribly sorry. [He exits with angry farmer]
SAD: My legs hurt - can -
ARTHUR: How unfortunate. [He forces the door shut] These people get worse.
[He braces himself, and lets them in. IVY exits outside and starts smoking.]
OBSEQUIOUS: Once again, I must apologise for our misconduct.
ANGRY: Why should we? We're as good as anyone else -
OBSEQUIOUS: Take no notice of my colleague, he's just trying to attract attention.
ANGRY: I dare say that we're better than most people who cross through that door.
BEWILDERED: Is somebody else joining us, then?
OBSEQUIOUS: No, Mr. Taylor, its just the four of us, so that the honourable Mr Sutherland has time to give us all a fair hearing.
SAD: My legs hurt.
[They settle down on the seating]
ARTHUR: Where has that girl gone? Oh! she's so disobedient sometimes.
SAD: When we were her age, all the young girls were sweet tempered and pretty. Nowadays, they all look like boys and behave like sailors.
BEWILDERED: You don't think that she's a suffragette do you?
ANGRY: No, but Georgina Sutherland is. Must be terrible disappointment to her family. George she likes to be called!
[They all laugh and talk about her in a good-natured manner until she arrives through the front door, with pheasants and a rifle]
GEORGE: Good afternoon!
ANGRY: It is for some, I imagine
OBSEQUIOUS: Good afternoon Miss Sutherland. Its so good to see you
GEORGE: Why, thank you Mr. Thomas!
[George greets all the FARMERS in turn, and chats with them until MRS. S. arrives]
MRS. S: GEORGINA! What are you doing?
GEORGE: I'm just taking the pheasants to the scullery and my rifle to the armoury.
MRS. S: Not through the front door.
GEORGE: I just wanted to say hello to my friends, so I came this way.
MRS. S: [Sighs] You have a very peculiar view of friendship. Have you completed your greetings?
GEORGE: Yes, mother.
MRS. S: Well go to the lower quarters. Then you will take tea with me once you've done that, as all your siblings are here at the same time for once. Perhaps we can be like a civilised family for a change.
GEORGE: You worry yourself too much, mother. [To FARMERS] Oh well - it was nice to see you again!
OBSEQUIOUS: Oh yes, Miss Sutherland. We do look forward to seeing you.
[GEORGE goes backstage to get rid of her paraphernalia]
MRS. S: I'd rather you didn't encourage my daughter in her wilful ways, thank you.
[MRS. S exits To The Drawing Room. The FARMERS stick their tongues out as her, and chat about her in an ill-natured manner until MR S. and HERBERT arrive down the stairs]
HERBERT: I'd like to observe your surgery, father. I want to watch a leader of men.
MR. S: Well perhaps you should really visit the Commons to see leaders of men in action.
HERBERT: That's not about leadership. That's about politics.
MR. S: Leadership is political.
HERBERT: I want to learn about practical negotiation.
MR. S: I'm afraid that these farmers are renowned for impractical truculence... your spear-waving cannibals will show more powers of reason.
HERBERT: The farmers here have as much spiritual hunger for Christ's teachings as the natives of Abyssinia.
MR. S: The farmers may have spiritual hunger, but I'm more concerned with their intellectual incomprehension and greed. The vicar can give them the rest.
HERBERT: I feel that we should pray together before we meet your tenants.
MR. S: For God's sake, Herbert! I'm a businessman with property, a fleet of ships and shares around the world - I think that the Lord is quite capable of judging my soul in private, without the need for me to make myself a public spectacle. ARTHUR?
ARTHUR: Yes, Sir?
MR. S: I gather that Harley is staying with us?
ARTHUR: He is Sir.
MR. S: Is he in at present?
ARTHUR: Yes, Sir.
MR.S: Good. I shall be wishing to see him in my study in a few minutes. Make sure that he doesn't escape to alarm the decent village-folk of Englefield Green.
ARTHUR: I shall try to apprehend him if he makes to leave, Sir.
MR. S: Excellent. Now, turning to the first unwelcome task of the afternoon/evening. Bring in a farmer, Arthur.
ARTHUR: Certainly, Sir. Who would you like to see first?
MR. S: Lets get the worst over with soonest.
ARTHUR: An excellent strategy, Sir, but which farmer, precisely, would be the worst, Sir?
MR. S: I shall leave that to your judgement, Arthur.
ARTHUR: Its a difficult decision to make.
[He talks to HERBERT about who to call first, until GEORGE arrives with IVY]
GEORGE: Oh! Ivy - I almost forgot - Vita wants to see you in the nursery.
GEORGE: Hello, father, Herbert, Arthur. Do excuse me whilst I attend to mother.
[GEORGE exits to The Drawing Room]
ARTHUR: Mr. Sutherland is now seeing his visitors. Would you step this way, Mr. Dixon?
ANGRY: Good. Yes. Lets get this over with.
MR. S: Ah. Mr. Dixon. Delightful to see you again. [Silence] Well, please take a seat. I trust that you have no objections to my son joining us?
ANGRY: What are you doing here, young man?
HERBERT: I'm trying to see how good may best be done.
ANGRY: Goodness has nothing to do with business.
MR. S: So glad that we agree. Now, Mr. Dixon, what seems to be your problem?
ANGRY: I need a new plough
MR. S: What's wrong with the one you've got?
ANGRY: Its ploughing mechanism is broken, one of the wheels has buckled, and one is cracked-
MR. S: So replace the wheels, and mend the mechanism!
ANGRY: That will cost so much money that it would be a better investment to buy a new plough. I've had it since 1889, and its a time to buy a new one.
MR. S: This desk was built in the eighteenth century, but it doesn't need replacing.
ANGRY: Maybe your ancestors invested more in furniture than they did in farmyard equipment.
MR. S: Why can't you use your own fund to purchase a new plough?
ANGRY: Because it would cost forty pounds, and that will not come out of my own pocket. I have a family to feed.
MR. S: Forty pounds! My God! What have you got your eye on? A motor-car?
HERBERT: Don't take the Lord's name in vain, father.
MR. S: Even so. Forty pounds!
HERBERT: Your motor-car cost over a hundred pounds, father.
MR. S: Yes, alright Herbert. I'd rather you didn't contribute to this transaction.
HERBERT: Sorry, father.
ANGRY: The new model requires an extra carthorse as well.
MR. S: I hope you aren't proposing that I fund this addition to your stable?
ANGRY: Yes I am.
MR. S: So, this is a putative outlay of at least sixty pounds at this stage. That's quite a substantial sum, Mr. Dixon.
ANGRY: I'd pay for fodder.
MR. S: That's no commitment at all, as you grow the fodder yourself already. You need a new plough mechanism, and two new wheels - an outlay of say twelve pounds.
ANGRY: If you want it done on the cheap.
MR. S: I don't want it done with unnecessary expense, that's for certain. I'm prepared to put up £6 of this.
ANGRY: It's an outrage! I need sixty pounds!
MR. S: Which is ten times the amount that I am prepared to give. How do you propose that we come to an agreement?
HERBERT: Through compromise?
ANGRY: Its not a matter of compromise!
MR. S: Quite right.
HERBERT: But the Bible tells us that -
MR. S: Do be quiet, Herbert. This is a matter of agricultural investment, not Sunday School. [Pause]
HERBERT: Sorry, father.
MR. S: What you'll have to do, Mr. Dixon, is to work out the quantifiable fiscal savings that my contributing towards -
ANGRY: Not paying for??
MR. S: That my contributing towards your problem will create. I'm sure that my son will help you with the sums. I'll leave you to work it out for a few moments. Off you go.
[ANGRY exits]
I often fantasise about selling off all of this land, Herbert. I'd like to see how these wretched people would fare then.
HERBERT: But you have a responsibility to them, father.
MR. S: Don't remind me. ARTHUR!
ARTHUR: Yes, Sir?
MR. S: Can you take Harley to my study now, please?
ARTHUR: Of course, Sir.
MR. S: And make sure you keep an eye on these farmers. My wife doesn't like them in the house.
ARTHUR: Of course, Sir.
HERBERT: The Bible has a lot to say about your position, father. In the old testament-
MR. S: Another time Herbert.
[They move papers and talk about the weather until MRS. S. enters from The Drawing Room, and then exits to The Nursery]
HERBERT: What do you think could have annoyed mother so?
MR. S: I don't know. Sunlight on the Persian carpet? A hair out of place? Why don't you go and satisfy your curiosity, son?
[VITA enters from The Nursery]
HERBERT: Is mother quite alright, Vita?
VITA: Mother? Alright? She's just being mother. You should know what that entails by now, Herbert.
HERBERT: Maybe I should just have a look in.
VITA: Well, it will be good practice for dealing with cannibals and savages.
HERBERT: Vita! The Bible tells us that we should honour our parents.
VITA: Fight the good fight, Herbert.
[ARTHUR returns]
[HERBERT exits to The Nursery.]
[VITA exits to The Drawing Room.]
ARTHUR: Your eldest son awaits you in your study, Sir.
MR. S: Lead on, Arthur.
[ARTHUR and MR. S. exit to The Study]
[ANGRY returns to other FARMERS, ARTHUR returns to work]
OBSEQUIOUS: Did you get your new plough, Mr. Dixon?
ANGRY: He sent me away to do some sums.
OBSEQUIOUS: Its reassuring that he's so thorough.
SAD: He won't give him the money. Nothing good ever happens to farmers.
BEWILDERED: Is he giving Mr. Dixon a plough?
OBSEQUIOUS: We don't know yet.
BEWILDERED: But he's seen Mr. Dixon already. I don't understand.
ANGRY: We have to wait.
SAD: I wish he'd see me. My legs hurt.
[The FARMERS grumble and groan until MOLLY and NELL enter from upstairs. They sit next to the FARMERS, who don't like it.]
ANGRY: What are you doing here?
NELL: What's it to you, dear?
BEWILDERED: We have come on the right day haven't we, Mr. Thomas?
OBSEQUIOUS: We have, Mr. Taylor. I don't know about these... women -
NELL: I'll have you know, Mr. Thomas, that we are ladies. Tell them why we're here, Molly. [Pause. MOLLY thinks through all the possibilities]
MOLLY: To see Mr. Sutherland?
NELL: That's right.
ANGRY: Mr. Sutherland only sees local people.
NELL: And who's to say we're not local?
BEWILDERED: Well I haven't seen you before.
MOLLY: Perhaps we're new to the area!
ANGRY: I doubt that anything's new to you.
NELL: Would you like to find out?
ANGRY: No, I would not!
MOLLY: As a matter of fact, we have just moved here,
NELL: And we'd like to make some new friends.
MOLLY: If you see what we mean.
SAD: Oh no. You haven't moved into the old cottage have you?
NELL: Maybe...
SAD: Oh dear, oh dear.
BEWILDERED: What's the matter?
SAD: I think that these two might be my new tenants. I told my wife that I should see them first, but she said that they must be students.
BEWILDERED: Do you go to the college?
MOLLY: We study at the university of life.
NELL: Its got a very broad curriculum.
MOLLY: We could teach you a thing or two.
NELL: What's the address of this cottage then?
SAD: 24c Pooley Green Road.
NELL: Well. That's interesting... no we wouldn't move into your property if you paid us!
MOLLY: Yes we would!
NELL: Shut up, Molly!
OBSEQUIOUS: What pretty names! Have you got somewhere to stay in Egham, ladies?
MOLLY: I like this one, Nell. He's a real gentleman.
ANGRY: Don't encourage them, Mr. Thomas!
NELL: No. We're boarding in Sutherland House.
OBSEQUIOUS: Goodness! In what capacity?
MOLLY: We're the latest maids
[Pause]
SAD: Everywhere you go, standards plummeting.
BEWILDERED: But Mr. Sutherland must have all the maids that he needs by now...?
ANGRY: It seems that he's perfectly willing to throw his money about on little-
OBSEQUIOUS: Stop your words, Mr. Dixon! Mr. Sutherland is a highly respectable man, just as I am sure that Molly and Nell are respectable ladies.
ANGRY: Mr. Sutherland may well be happy to spend his money on - maids, but his financial duties lie with providing his tenant farmers with new ploughs so that they can manage to make an honest living.
NELL: Molly and I are special maids.
MOLLY: Very special!
BEWILDERED: What do you specialise in?
[Pause]
NELL: Antique restoration.
OBSEQUIOUS: Really? How interesting.
MOLLY: Oh, yes.
OBSEQUIOUS: Well. Talk about wise head on pretty shoulders.
ANGRY: Prove it!
NELL: Alright. Molly, pass me that figurine?
MOLLY: You what?
NELL: That little statue thing
MOLLY: Oh! Right!
[She passes it to NELL, who studies it, and gives an entirely accurate reading]
OBSEQUIOUS: My word, you know your onions! You'll have to give my possessions a look.
NELL: We don't come cheap.
[They all talk about the antiques in Sutherland House until ARTHUR arrives]
ARTHUR: My God! What are you doing? Put that back! NO - give it to me
[He places it back, gently].
I'm sorry, gentlemen, I really can't trust any of you.
[He locks the door.]
MOLLY: Oh no! What are we going to do now? We should have made a run for it!
ANGRY: When's Sutherland going to see me again?
ARTHUR: In his own good time, Mr. Dixon.
NELL: Molly, Molly don't panicbabes. Everything's fineas it is. We might even
ANGRY: Oh! And when might that be I wonder? My
time is as good as his.
build up some trade in the country!
ARTHUR: Well might you wonder.
MOLLY: But I'm scared! If theylook in our bags, we could be sent to prison.
BEWILDERED: Will I be next?
SAD: My legs hurt.
NELL: We're used to that by now.
ARTHUR: You'll all have to amuse yourselves.
MOLLY: But stealing's different...
[Calm resumes, and the FARMERS, MOLLY and NELL settle down again]
ANGRY: Answer this, Mr. Taylor: it takes me six hours to plough a field with my double furrow plough. How long would it take if my plough had five furrows?
BEWILDERED: Don't ask me. I don't understand the question. I'm a cattle farmer. I'll only get it wrong.
SAD: Perhaps these ladies are experts in agricultural economics as well as antique history?
MOLLY: You expect too much of us, sir.
NELL: Which isn't to say that we don't have knowledge of lots of things -
ANGRY: Oh do stop talking in that sluttish manner. It irritates us, and doesn't become you.
NELL: We only talk with propriety to those who deserve it.
MOLLY: If you treated us like ladies, we'd think you were gentlemen.
ANGRY: Right. Six hours divided by five is... erm...
SAD: Maybe you should go over to the university and get a young lady to help you do your sums, Mr. Dixon.
[FARMERS laugh except for ANGRY]
ANGRY: I don't need assistance from women, thank you.
NELL: Well. You said it!
[They all laugh again]
OBSEQUIOUS: Tell me Nell, how did you ever get to know so much about antiques? I would never have guessed it to look at you!
NELL: There's a lot that you'd never guess about people if you judge on the surface, Mr. Thomas.
MOLLY: (Nell, don't provoke them. We'll do alright if we just wait for the door to be opened quietly.)
NELL: (Don't be so fainthearted!) I've been in a lot of places, Mr. Thomas. I've learnt to look at things.
BEWILDERED: What sort of places? Do you mean Christies?
NELL: I learnt my trade in private houses.
MOLLY: Nell has been entertained by all the best people - intellectuals, politicians, artists -
NELL: Even royalty!
SAD: No no! I will not hear a word spoken against the monarchy.
NELL: Some considerable men have taken time to show me the... smaller things in life.
OBSEQUIOUS: My word! And is Molly your apprentice?
NELL: In a sense.
MOLLY: But there's not much more that she need to teach me.
NELL: We work together.
ANGRY: Do stop this distasteful business! Its bad enough having to come to this wretched house to beg for basic equipment, without having to talk to women like these.
MOLLY: What sort of women are we, Mr. Dixon?
ANGRY: There’s a word for women like you.
NELL: Which word is that then?
ANGRY: Unvirtuous.
MOLLY: We're just as virtuous as you are!
BEWILDERED: I don't understand.
SAD: That can't be true-
NELL: We're all employed by Mr. Sutherland-
BEWILDERED: Mr. Sutherland can't employ people like you! He only works with decent people.
MOLLY: He owns a shipping line doesn't he?
NELL: Exactly. Sailors and merchant seamen aren't the most decent of men.
MOLLY: We work in the docks. We know.
ANGRY: Well go back there then!
MOLLY: We can't.
BEWILDERED: Why not?
MOLLY: The door's locked.
NELL: I once worked in Aberdeen. There, a shipping company employed me to entertain their workers
ANGRY: You disgusting women! You're not fit to walk the streets!
[Pause]
BEWILDERED: Are you quite sure about that, Mr. Dixon?
SAD: Not the streets of Egham, anyway.
OBSEQUIOUS: Take no notice of my colleagues, ladies - I'd welcome you into my home anytime.
MOLLY: Thank you, Mr. Thomas.
NELL: Are you telling me that I'm not good enough to be in this house?
OBSEQUIOUS: Oh no, Nell.
ANGRY: You're not good enough to be in any British house.
SAD: Yes, I suppose.
BEWILDERED: What's going on?
NELL: I'm good enough to walk anywhere, and I don't need a load of farm labourers to tell me where I can and can't go. Come on Molly. Lets have a look at the antiques in this house!
[MOLLY and NELL exit to the Nursery recently vacated by ARTHUR and IVY]
[The FARMERS discuss MOLLY and NELL until MRS. S. walks through from the Drawing Room with HARLEY]
MRS. S: Shouldn't you people be seeing my husband?
ANGRY: Yes. We most certainly should! He has been keeping us waiting with his common women for more than half an hour!
MRS. S: I find it hard to believe that anyone could be more common than you, Mr. Dixon.
OBSEQUIOUS: I'm sure he's going through his records as we speak, so that he can deal with us in his most efficient manner...
MRS. S: Oh do stop being such a sycophant, Mr. Thomas.
HARLEY: I believe Father wanted to attend to family business first, Mother.
MRS. S: This is a strange way of going about things. How your father can attend to his family with all these tedious spongers around I do not know. I should like to talk to him about this.
[HARLEY and MRS. S. exit to The Study]
OBSEQUIOUS: [Deflated] She called me sycophantic!
BEWILDERED: What does that mean?
SAD: Grovelling. Cringing.
[ANGRY laughs]
OBSEQUIOUS: Oh do be quiet, Mr. Dixon!
[Pause]
SAD: What do you think those women are doing in the Nursery?
ANGRY: Nothing decent I imagine.
BEWILDERED: What are they doing here, anyway?
SAD: I believe that they are probably the friends of Master Sutherland.
ANGRY: That sounds right. The eldest son is a wicked one, isn't he? You can see it in his eyes.
SAD: One day, he'll take over from his father, and we'll be asking him for money. Oh dear oh dear.
OBSEQUIOUS: He's only young. Give him a chance to grow up.
ANGRY: He's 28. Pitt was Prime Minister by that age.
SAD: Keats was dead before he was that age -
BEWILDERED: Who's Keats? Did I know him? Very sad.
SAD: Yes. Very sad indeed. I wish Mr. Sutherland would attend to us. My legs hurt.
[They continue to whinge until GEORGE enters]
GEORGE: Good afternoon/evening, gentlemen!
FARMERS: Good afternoon/evening, miss.
GEORGE: Did I hear my mother creating trouble?
OBSEQUIOUS: Well, its not our place to say, Miss Sutherland.
GEORGE: Oh dear. Well - you mustn’t take any notice of her - she's fairly on edge today because the whole family is here.
SAD: We were just saying that it has been a long time since we saw your elder brother, Miss Sutherland.
GEORGE: Yes - its been a while for me too. Look here, please don't feel that you have to call me Miss Sutherland. George is fine.
BEWILDERED: Certainly, Miss George.
ANGRY: Tell me this, Miss George. If it takes me six hours to plough a field with my double furrowed existing plough, how long would it take with a five furrowed plough?
OBSEQUIOUS: Mr. Dixon! You mustn’t bother Miss George's head with such man's problems.
GEORGE: That's quite alright. I'm glad to be of assistance. About two hours, assuming that the plough was of precisely equivalent quality.
ANGRY: Thank you. Do you have a piece of paper that I could work it out on?
GEORGE: I think I'm about right...
ANGRY: Even so, I think I'd better get it written down - your father won't take my word for it.
GEORGE: My father can be quite amenable to new ideas if they're reasonably argued.
SAD: That's not what we've found , Miss George.
GEORGE: Well, he's always been a good listener to my thoughts about the suffrage movement -
ANGRY: That doesn't require him laying out any money.
GEORGE: I'm sure that he'd be equally responsive to developments in agriculture -
BEWILDERED: Doesn't your father object to surfa...suffer... the women's movement?
GEORGE: It certainly doesn't anger him... I think it amuses him, actually.
BEWILDERED: Even when you get arrested?
GEORGE: Being a suffragist isn't just about causing trouble. I've only been arrested once, and my father stood bail for me then. He said that as he'd spent half his life debating for the bail law, my actions gave him an interesting opportunity to see it in action.
BEWILDERED: How much was the bail?
GEORGE: One pound and fifteen shillings.
ANGRY: That’s enough to feed a horse for six months!
GEORGE: I am not a horse, Mr. Dixon!
OBSEQUIOUS: Absolutely. What an insulting suggestion!
ANGRY: If my daughter got arrested, I'd disown her.
GEORGE: How old is your daughter?
ANGRY: Nine.
GEORGE: I don't think that she'd be involved.
BEWILDERED: Is Mr. Dixon's daughter a member of the movement?
SAD: Not yet.
ANGRY: Nor will she ever be. Mark my words.
BEWILDERED: Are you married yet?
GEORGE: No.
SAD: That is a pity.
GEORGE: Well - that's debatable-
OBSEQUIOUS: I'm sure you must get a lot of offers.
[They all discuss GEORGE's marriage prospects, until HARLEY storms down the stairs, and walks through to the Nursery]
GEORGE: I'll just and see what is wrong with my brother, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
OBSEQUIOUS: We hope to see you soon, Miss George.
[GEORGE exits to the Nursery, ARTHUR reappears, and potters around the Stairwell, working]
SAD: Off to see those immoral women, probably.
ANGRY: He won't be too glad to see his sister, then.
[FARMERS discuss this dilemma until HERBERT enters from the Drawing Room]
OBSEQUIOUS: Master Sutherland!
HERBERT: Yes?
OBSEQUIOUS: I was just remembering the first time I saw you! You were six years old, and you were having Sunday lunch in The Royal Ascot with Arthur. Your family were out at the Ascot races, I believe! Do you remember?
HERBERT: I'm sure you'll remind me.
OBSEQUIOUS: Arthur was tucking into his lunch with some gusto, but you sat staring stony- faced at your plate of food - not eating a thing. So I asked why you weren't eating, and do you know what you said?
HERBERT: No.
OBSEQUIOUS: That you were waiting for the mustard to cool down!
[FARMERS laugh. HERBERT doesn't.]
HERBERT: Most amusing. It was a long time ago. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
[HERBERT exits to The Study, FARMERS ad lib until next interruption, and then improvise accordingly.]
[VITA enters from The Drawing Room to ask ARTHUR to go outside and catch NELL. VITA then exits to The Drawing Room again]
[ARTHUR arrives back inside with NELL]
[HERBERT enters to see what the fuss is about, and decides to take NELL away from the wrath of the FARMERS. HERBERT and NELL exit to The Study.]
[As MR. S is walking down the stairs he passes HERBERT and NELL. HERBERT tries to explain but MR. S. is ill and only wants to be rid of the FARMERS.]
MR. S: Arthur, let us deal with these irritable farmers. Send in Dixon would you?
ARTHUR: Very good sir.
[MR. S. sits at his desk. ARTHUR fetches ANGRY, who walks aggressively towards the table.]
MR. S: Ah, Mr. Dixon. You will be pleased to know that I have been mulling over these monetary matters, and I have decided to donate £3 towards the cost of a new plough.
ANGRY: £3 ?!
MR. S: Correct.
ANGRY: This is an outrage, I've told you I need £60!
MR. S: £3 is my final offer. I suggest that you think about accepting the money while I conclude the business with your fellow farmers.
ANGRY: I suggest you have a better answer for me when I return.
[ANGRY returns to his seat with the other FARMERS. MR. S. becomes increasingly agitated.]
MR. S: Arthur, send in the insipid looking one and his equally dour friend would you ? ARTHUR: Very good sir. Mr Taylor and Mr Ash step this way please.
[The two trickle along in a daze which aqitates MR. S. who tells them to hurry along.]
MR. S: [Addressing BEWILDERED first]
Now, what seems to be your problem?
BEWILDERED: Oh no. I haven’t got a problem. I just need some thing for my farm.
MR. S: What things, exactly?
BEWILDERED: Oh - er… I er…
MR. S: I suggest that you think about what you need whilst I discuss the woes of tenant farming with your sad friend. What seems to be your problem?
SAD: It's me 'orse…
MR. S: Your horse?
SAD: Yes its me ‘orse. Its not well.
MR. S: Would this be the same horse that seems to continually escape, run riot in Englefield green, causing untold damage for which I have to compensate?
SAD: Its a very good worker, but its got a split hoof, I can't afford, the vetinary bills.
MR. S: I see. Well what about your problems Mr Taylor, have we reached conclusion?
BEWILDERED: Barn… roof leaks… onto grass seed, need new seed… and a shovel. Yes that's it I think.
[MR. S. runs out of patience so he offers each of the farmers £100. He tells SAD to sell the horse to the glue factory and buy a new one, and he tells BEWILDERED to 'sort it out how best you see fit' He refuses to shake hands, and gestures for them to leave.]
MR. S: Bring in the sycophant, Arthur.
ARTHUR: Very good sir.
OBSEQUIOUS: Mr Sutherland, what a pleasure to see you. [Vigorous shaking of hand causing discomfort to MR. S.]
MR. S: Yes! Thank you!!! What is the problem?
OBSEQUIOUS: I want to make you money, lets talk about fields. [OBSEQUIOUS discusses the field in which GEORGE and VITA learnt to ride, and what he could do with it. ANGRY, meanwhile, has cottoned onto the large amounts of money his fellow farmers have received He re-enters very angry. ARTHUR looks uncomfortable.]
ANGRY: Sutherland, its a personal insult! What's this I hear about you giving £100 pounds to those two farmers?
OBSEQUIOUS: I always said you were a generous man, Mr. Sutherland.
ANGRY: Shut up! You’re a strange one, Sutherland.
MR. S: [Turning away from ANGRY] Here is £100 for your field. Please leave.
OBSEQUIOUS: I don't believe it! MR. S: What do you want, Dixon?
ANGRY: You old fool! You idiot! I've grown you the finest carrots for thirty year. You are a mean old man, and your sons are the laughing stock of the village. Bunch of village idiots [he continues to rant and rave]…
MR. S: Damn you man! I'm a member of the liberal government, I won’t be spoken to in such a manner!
[ARTHUR interjects and forces ANGRY and the equally furious MR. S. apart. MR. S then collapses into the arms of ARTHUR, suffering the heart attack. ARTHUR lays him on the floor asking what is wrong. MR. S. notices the farmers staring and signals for them to leave.
ARTHUR forces them out of the door as ANGRY mocks 'you've eaten my last carrot Sutherland.. serves you right etc.’]
ARTHUR: You’re alright sir, you’re alright. I'll fetch the doctor. [MR.S. atttemps to say something] Pardon sir?.... Pardon? Your will? OH! YOUR WILL! Where is it ? The Study? [To IVY who has watched bemused and confused from the stairs] Go and get Mr Sutherland's will!
IVY: Is the door open?
MR. S: YES!!
[IVY goes to The Study to collect the papers.]
ARTHUR: You don't need your will sir.
MR. S: Pen... PEN! ARTHUR: Here you are sir.
MR. S: Glasses... GLASSES!
ARTHUR: There you are sir.
[IVY returns with papers which she drops over the prostrated body of MR. S. ARTHUR stays at his master’s side, closer than a brother whilst MR. S. struggles with the writing.]
MR. S: Arthur…
ARTHUR: Yessir, I'm right here. You’re as strong as an ox Sir, very strong... Strongest man I've ever seen…
MR. S: ESTATE CARE- [He falls deathly silent]
ARTHUR: Yes you are the Master of the estate. I care for it.
IVY: I think he’s carked it, Arf! [STUNNED SILENCE. IVY starts to move the body. MR. S. suddenly emerges from the dead, and grabs ARTHUR. IVY screams]
MR. S: The will, you impertinent girl… the will… [He dies.]
IVY: Who's going to tell Mrs Sutherland? She’ll blame me. I ain’t tellin’ her! [ARTHUR is inspecting the will. A look of amazement crosses his face.]
ARTHUR: There's been a mistake. Mr Sutherland meant to say ‘Estate left to the care of Arthur’, but he’s written ‘Estate left to Arthur’!! [Moment of realisation.]
IVY: Arf! We’re rich! [She leaps on him in a state of joy.]
ARTHUR: It must be some kind of mistake… [IVY grabs the will and stuffs it into her bra.]
IVY: No its not. Its a sign. He wanted you to have it. Think of all the hard work you've put into this place!
ARTHUR: Yes... YES! Can it be?
IVY: Of course it is! He meant you to have it! [Another moment of realisation, as ARTHUR considers the will, IVY, and the body of MR. S. He looks skywards, and concludes]
ARTHUR: Mr Sutherland. He was a father, he was a magnate, he was a monster, but most of all, he was a BENEFACTOR.